Thursday, September 23, 2010

我也不想的。

PMR,再一个星期我就要面对面与你对峙了。
但是,我不但没有读得焦头烂额,也没有闭目养神,反而在这里自甘堕落。=.=
我这么做,原因没有其他,而只有一个。

我,真的很需要一个管道来发泄一会。
所以,如果你不喜欢读这种东西,请你别读吧。>.<

考试要到了,我真的觉得很压力很压力。
纵使很多人说这考试只是小菜一碟。
纵使很多人说对自己不要太过压抑。
但是,我还是被压力吞噬着=(
且吞噬得遍体鳞伤,体无完肤>>夸张。

我只觉得心理负担很重,重得快承受不了。
甚至晚上读书读到一半会躲进被子里饮泣 =.= 汗死。
我不知道我为什么会那么压力,我只知道我真的觉得很辛苦。
不知还能挨多久=(

大家都说我的要求很高。
其实,我一直以来很想反驳,但我却力不从心〉〉不要问我为什么。
在学业方面,我觉得我的要求并不会很高〉〉除了预考之外。
每一次考试,我只是要求能够靠获全科A就好了〉〉总是我从来没有成功过。
这,对一个3A班的学生,算是要求甚高吗?
我对我自己苛刻一点的要求只不过希望在预考中能获得一科最高分!
这,就是要求太高吗?
我真的很质疑“太高”的定义。
我并不是要指责谁,只是,当没人这么说时,我觉得很莫名其妙〉〉甚至对这种指责(?)觉得错愕。

而且。
我想我必须告诉你们。
我并不是书呆子〉〉纵使我承认我会死背书。
我也会享乐,我也会找一个我觉得舒适的空间来舒解自己。
我会看电视,我也会上网,我更会看漫画,我也会听音乐。
不要把我看成除了捧着书什么都不会的乡巴子!!
尤其是,你!!!
我每天乘坐你的车去一个目的地,无奈你却一点也不了解我的个性与习惯。
你不了解就算了,但是你没有必要去扭曲事实并描黑所有你所看到的情形!!
你以为你为你的文章放上得漂亮优美华丽的色彩而沾沾自喜,你有没有想过,被你这么一闹,我要怎样去面对你妈?!!
那还不要紧,但你妈却走到哪里就要把这件事情唱到哪里!!!D=
你有没有想过那种无辜的感受?!
我捧着书,关你什么事?你和我同班吗?你每天与我在一起吗?以每天在学校绝对会遇到我吗?你有亲眼见证吗?你确保我所捧的是课本吗?你明白我的习性吗?而你又为我找想过吗?!!
一个大男人,天天埋怨别人唾弃你。而你又有没有想过你为别人到底做过了多大的伤害?
这是还要搞到我妈厉声警告你才肯平息。
他妈的,敲你啊D=

当别人安慰我,要我不要想太多,要我不要太压抑自己的时候,
我必须承认,那一刻,我曾感动过。
但这一次,不是我没有值得我去推心置腹的朋友,只是,我认为我不该再把自己的忧愁转到别人身上去。
不是我不想坦白,不是我不想强颜欢笑,只是,我不想再一次劳累你们那颗关怀的心。
我绝对信任你们,可是,你们的心,是否适合我的翅膀,是否可以为我带来舒适,是否容纳得下我这庞然大物?
我只认为,我不够资格来一直劳烦你们。我为你们带来的麻烦,实在太多。
对不起。

我那惨不忍睹的成绩,我不知我因该如何踏上考场。
国语,100%靠侥幸;华语,别人的卓越显示了我的庸才;英语,唉,倒地不起。
我应该如何拯救我的成绩,尤其是我那烂得可怜的三科语文科?
特别是英文啊=(
唉唉唉。

每一天起床,第一件事情就是必须挤出微笑。
我不想再与“要求太高而太压力”划上等号。
我必须承认,当你们这样评说我的时候,我很生气很生气〉〉因为我真的没有在成天啃书。
我也很会拖延时间的啊啊啊〉〉就像现在。
当时,当我听到类似这样的话语,我真的宁愿你们说,我没有再读书。
(我想再强调,我没有把矛头指向任何一个人。)

谁会想当一个忧郁的小孩?
我也相当“记忆天使”的蒋萱儿,而不是主角王湘湘。
我也不想每天显得愁云惨雾。
更不想勉强挤出微笑〉〉我真的很想露出一个真心的微笑。

=(。





此文纯属发泄,若要对号入座请自便。
如果你连我发泄的一个权力也要剥削的话,如果你连一个我可以放纵自己的地盘也要嗤之以鼻的话,我真得无话可说了。
还是,你想告诉我不要把自己的痛苦建立在别人身上?
嗯哼,我想这较适合劝诫你自己吧。

我承认我时常每天发脾气,但我可还没显示出我真正发火的威力。
如果你想当一只小小的白老鼠,想试探我的肝到底可以烹煮到什么温度的话,你就尽管放马过来吧。
但是,在与你过招之前,我只有一句话想要形容你。
幼稚。

嗯,该回去读书了。
谢谢你那么有耐心的看完我这无聊的自泄(?)文章=D


衷心感谢。

Thursday, September 16, 2010

新道理

我突然发现的一个道理。
人,根本没有必要坚强。
或许应该说,根本没有必要变得倔强。
没有必要。

当然,我不是说你可以做一个爱哭包。
只是,当你想哭的时候,你可以释放出来。
你根本没有必要去伪装!
更没有必要去戴上面具,把你自己的自尊化成一块石头。

不要以为倔强是伪装悲伤的最好办法。
它只会让更多人摸不着你而已。
你没有敞开心胸,就没有人可以了解到你。
所以你根本没有资格责怪没有人明白你!
因此,你要让自己丧失这个资格吗?


以上纯属道理。
灵感来了,不吐不快。
我没有针对谁,我也没有在责骂谁。
但是,你要对号入座的话请自便。

或者,你想嗤之以鼻也可以。
或者,选择反驳。


或者,你要给予掌声我也来者不拒=D

那是你的事。

我不要求你们原谅我,因为以你们的性格,那很难达成。
但是,你们可不可以不要在背后放冷箭?!

当初我们讨厌她的时候我们都没做什么。
但是,为什么你们要变成这样?!

当别人谈起你们的不是时,我尽可能绕去别的话题或避开它。
当别人讨论关于你们或向我表达不满的时候,我只是静静地听,从来不敢给予置评。

你们到底还要我怎样?!!

我向左走,也错。
我向右走,更错!!
我向前走,大错特错。
我向后走,错得离谱!!
你们有嘴巴的,请告诉我,我应该往哪儿走?!!
D:


唉,明天。

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

3 days :D

Well, there is a reason why I'm feeling as my previous post.
Because I've not studied (NOT EVEN TOUCH MY BOOKS) for TOTALLY 3 days.=.=
This is DEAD, right?T.T

NAH, forget about it.(can't forget T.T)
I should write about what's relate to my title.

Saturday went to shiuan's house!:D
After my ballet lessons, I tumpang yien's car to go to her house.
THANKS TO YIEN'S YEYE FOR ALL THE WAY COME TO ENG ANN AND FETCH ME :D
thanks a million!x)

In the car was yien, khai chyi, zhi xin and me(of course).
We chit-chatted about 感言册all the way and MISS ONG ZHI XIN refuse to let us see hers.=.=
CHEH~we'll dig it out somehow.
xD xD.

Then, when we reach shiuan's house, HER HOUSE WAS SO BIG!=O(at least i think so)
I like her gate soo much.x)
HER HOUSE WAS BIG, NICE AND CREATIVE(?)!!
haha :D

We scrambled into a room and do the 感言册.
Blah blah blah, we talked allll the way as we do(as usual).xD
and MISS HENG PEI SHIUAN kept on told me about lady gaga's stuff.=.=
oi dun say it edy lahh.especially those illuminati stuff, I'M DAMN SCARED NOW YOU KNOW.=.=

then we went to PASAR MALAM to have our dinner!=D
but it was raining, and we can't find something suitable to eat.=.=
so, alas, we decided to go to a mamak stall>>SRI MEDAN JAYA to have our dinner instead.
and shiuan, zhi xin(she say she accompany us to protect us.really?how sweet.LOL.) and I went to buy bubble tea :D

IT WAS NICE DAY, DUDE :D
but I did'nt touch my books, T.T


Sunday it was many activities.
and it all happen OUT OF MY EXPECTATIONS =.=
Well, I don't know WTF I waked up at 10.30 am.=.=
I ALREADY SET ALARM TO WAKE UP AT 8 AM DE LAHH =.=
den I have no time to waste, quickly make myself ready, have my breakfast and go for my ballet class.=.=

Then. after my dancing class, I went back to my house(废话).
But after I have my lunch I have to get ready for the blessing ceremony.
It was a blessing ceremony for UPSR, PMR, SPM and STPM students. 
my heart was so 平静 when I was there.:D
I MUST SEND MY GRATITUDE TO THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE FOR ORGANIZING THIS CEREMONY :D
THANK YOU!:D

After the ceremony, I went home(也是废话).
I was sooo tired that I dozed off.=.=
I INTEND TO STUDY DE LOR T.T
then suddenly my mum burst in and say we'll go out for dinner.
blah blah blah, had ROTI SALAD.(heard before?xD)

Then.,suddenly my mother said LET'S GO NEW GIANT FOR A WHILE!
WTF I BETTER GO TO JJ LOR =.=
waste time, STUPID BETUL.=.=
but at least I bought something I wanted there.LOL.

Then, my sunday finished =.=
AGAIN, I DID'NT TOUCH MY BOOKS.T.T

MONDAY WAS HOUSE MP FOR THURSDAY LIBRARIANS!:D
but it's actually held in GREENBOX instead of home lah.xD
IT WAS SO FUN!!(at least to me)
although I just sat there staring at the screen and NEARLY dozed off.LOL.
and I must say, JINGLIN'S VOICE IS REALLY NICEEEEE!!xD
shiuan's one too :D
and MISS ONG ZHI XIN refuse to sing =.=

well, as for me,
When I knew the song and wanted to sing, nobody bothered me.
but when I TOTALLY don't know a song, everyone asked me to sing!=.=
then my voice kept on  almost  TOTALLY covered by others.=.=
but like this also good, can stop NOISE POLLUTION from happening xD

aiya overall it was fun lahh.
although I just sitting there sipping at my ice lemon tea xD

Greenbox, greenbox.
Room 31 :D 

but i didn't study again that day t.t
the only thing I can console myself is going KUMON that day.T.T.



ADUH, pep's talk over.
AND NOW I MUST FACE THE REALITY!!D:
I hadn't touch book for three days.
THIS IS SOOO DEAD MANNNNN!!!
T.T

i MUST buck up!!
T.T

HELP me!T.T

I really don't know WHAT I SHALL DO!!!T.T
A-R-G-H. ARGHHHHHH!!!!D:

I know PMR is JUST AROUND THE CORNER.
but, I just don't know why I'm FREAKINGLY LAZY NOW!!!!D:
or, is i USUALLY is being lazy?T.T

I know I should BUCK UP now.
I know PMR is coming soon and I must start revising by NOW.
or, I should already finish my revision by NOW.
but,
I HAVEN TOUCH AN INCH YET!!!!
T.T


UGHHHHHHHH.
THIS IS SO DEAD!!!D:
I don't want to regret in the future, but I just can't stop myself from DREAMING OF GOING OUT, ONLINE AND WHATEVER SHIT.
ISHHHHHHH.
I'M DEAD FOR SURE. I.AM.SURE!!!!!!x.x
 

Oh gosh, PLEASEEEEEEE HELP ME.
PLEASE HELP TO AWAKE ME UP FOR NOT BEING LAZY ANYMORE!!!!x.x
I need motivationnnnnnn.
I CAN'T WASTE MY TIME ANYMORE!!!T.T


CHONG KAI NING,
STOP PROCRASTINATING!!x.x
Help me, please. 
T.T