" When a person tends to laugh more, smile more, or even with some unusual actions, this is because too much stories behind all of these where not much people actually realize why they do so."
Got this quote from someone's blog. *sorry!*
Yeah. So true.
These days I was finding the reasons for my unusual act : being hyperactive, hypertalkive, hyperlaughing blablabla.
Keep on crapping away without stopping; keep laughing like no one's business.
I think some of my friends realized that, coz someone even asked, "What the HELL is wrong with you?"
How I hope I know the answer well, but unfortunately,
I don't.
I'MMA AT A LOST ON WHAT AM I DOING.
I just dont know why.
At first, I was thinking, maybe coz I'm in a new year mood, thats why I'm acting like a hyperactive child.
But when chinese new year really came,
I DONT FEEL ANY HAPPIER.
In opposition,
I just feel down, especially when I'd on facebook and see those things that
I really dont want to see.
I can't spill my feelings out at facebook (you see, it's so awkward to type something emo amongst all those new year statuses), and thus, I chose a place which is really mine.
Yeah. my so-called-blog.
But still,
I don't know why I'm so sad for these days.
Especailly after when I see.. ugh.
Maybe it's because of you that incident.
Yeah. Most probably.
I know you'd tried your best, but the enthusiasm is lost means IT'S REALLY LOST.
It's not like writing with a pencil, whenever you wrote something wrong you can correct/cancel it with a eraser.
For this thing, YOU CAN'T.
and that's the fact.
I told myself countless times to forgive you; to trust on you once more.
But again and again you kept break your promises.
And that's it, once and for all.
I really can't believe you in this any longer.
I know you're a great one.
You have great & high potential; but the problem is You're oblivious of other's feeling.
I'd gave you hints on that and yet you still chose to ignore it.
And that's why,
my heart, not my mind, told me to let go.
You apologized, yes.
but somehow I just couldnt forget..
yeah. i can't.
not I dont want to...
I know I'd hurt you badly.
but I really cant help it.
I sought for dont know how many long months and yet I just could not find back the feeling.
I dont know...
And when I'd decided to let go,
another people just keep remind me about this.
I said I dont want to think & talk about this,
why cant you guys just give me a break?
I said my mind is not suitable enough to think about it and yet you guys just keep urge me for an answer.
You guys are suffering, yeah.
What about me?
Do you guys think I'll feel any better?
And alas, I listen to the advice,
end it & once and for all.
I told my decision, my thoughts;
and I think I gave you a suitable response.
But,
you asked me again.
yes, again, and ask me to think again.
Please, you know my style,
I CAN'T MAKE FAST DECISIONS.
I need a long time to think.
Yeah.
Finally, when I ended it,
you treat me as if I'm a stranger.
That's the reason I don't want to say it because
I know you've been extreme & no longer friends!
and you're stating you've do nothing wrong because it's me that started it.
Yeah, may be. I dont know.
I just feel tired & I dont want to do anymore judgements..
Maybe I'm really wrong this time.
What's done cannot be undone, you can't expect me to smile and talk to you like nothing had happened before.
But that doesn't give you the right to treat me like that.
Seems like I'd keep on blaming you guys, huh?
No, I'm not. Really.
I know I had my wrong sides but
I really need to say my feelings out.
我没有在责怪谁，我只想把已蕴藏心里已久的话统统倒出来。
终于，我有了这股勇气。
不要在我面前提起我打过的东西，尤其是，你。
更不要问我“你”是谁，因为我不会回答你。
或许我真的应该说，对不起。
