Suddenly

So all of a sudden I have the whim to blog. Hahaha

When I first started to create a blogger account, I set down the target that, "um, I must write whatever I want to, must record whatever that are worth to record" and stuffs like that blablabla. But after a period of "freshness", well... my laziness is apparent. I did not blog frequently *almost none kay* , and did not decorate my blog either, only once when my friend shwu mei was soooo nice for helping me to design an awesome blog layout :) but after that I was dumb enough for not being able to handle my new layout efficiently (like cant find settings button etc) then I changed back to this normal but still-okay-lah template. I did not even updated posts about my trip to japan wtf! Laziness: 100 %. Wth :/

So since I have the mood to blog now *must appreciate k!* I should write something that only myself understands. HAHAHA




You said move on, where should I go?
I do not wish to be depressed forever, but still, I could not erase it off from my mind permanently. When I look at crying scenes, think of sad memories, the first thing popped out will surely be THIS.

And you said, stop crying.

Of course I know. But how? I cant say that I did not mind after all, because in fact, I DO MIND IT VERY MUCHHHH. How could I possibly forget the feeling, the feeling that struck me real hard, made me wobble, helpless, no might to fight back. I am lucky I could skip school the next day, or else I would be crying non stop in the public, shamelessly, indifferently, thinking everything is just none of my business.

I cant move on.
I mean, in this case.

Time is really the best medicine. The first seconds after the event is really hard and tough for me, for I could not stop crying, even I rubbed away my tears diligently as much as I could but it still could not stop rolling down my cheeks. I dont know if my eyes became swollen, but all I remembered is my heart was soo pain, crucially pain, the pain that made me breathless, stumbled, and could not get up. How I wish I just fainted then everything would be just NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

But a few weeks after that, I felt better. But with a scar, staying there forever.

Devastated, disappointed, FEAR.

I love it very very much, I really do. But the more I love, the more i get hurt, but the more too, I could not get out from it that easily.

走火入魔，I suppose.


How I hope it is all over. But when I reminiscence all over again, the pain it still there, it never fades, and I still cry. The whole night.

And all I can do is just stand and stare.

How much it hurts

到现在想起来，我还是觉得很难过。

相思十诫

第一最好不相见，如此便可不相恋。
第二最好不相知，如此便可不相思。 
第三最好不相伴，如此便可不相欠。
第四最好不相惜，如此便可不相忆。  
第五最好不相爱，如此便可不相弃。 
第六最好不相对，如此便可不相会。
第七最好不相误，如此便可不相负。 
第八最好不相许，如此便可不相续。
第九最好不相依，如此便可不相偎。 
第十最好不相遇，如此便可不相聚。 


但曾相见便相知，相见何如不见时。 

—— 《步步惊心》

慢一拍

有时说，慢一拍并不是不好。

话说有一天，我装了半杯水想要喝下去。喝了几口，便觉得饱了，想把杯子洗了，潜意识里就把杯子送到了水龙头的下方。很自然的，我扭开了水龙头。

看着杯子里依存着的水，心中突然有一把声音响起：“别浪费水啊，况且多喝水对身体有益，就那么一丁点的水，喝完它吧！”脑中猛地一醒，马上把杯子从水龙头的下方移了出来。就在这时，水源徐徐地从水龙头流了出来。

喝着那一丁点的水，我突然若有所思：慢一拍，反而令人应祸得福呢。

如果当时，我扭开水龙头的刹那，水就马上来势汹汹地流了出来，那不干净的自来水就会和杯中已煮熟的白开水混合在一起，而那些依存的水我当然也不能喝了。虽然当时只剩下1/4的水，但水依然是水，并不是说分量少了它就不能和珍贵的水相提并论。

在这日新月异的时代，人们凡事总是要求快，快，快，总是希望什么事都可以以最快的速度完成它，总有避之不及的错觉。可是在这高效率的社会里，是不是更加衬托出了慢一拍的生活的难能及可贵呢？

无可否认，反应快的人在生活的每个方面总是比较吃香。我有这么的一个朋友，反应不怎么快，每当我们玩扑克牌游戏snap时，她总是一败涂地，无论怎么嚷，怎么叫，到最后输的是总是她。周围的人就总是在这点大做文章，嘲笑她的龟速反应。虽然知道大家都是开玩笑的，但她仍无可避免地介意了好久。

难道，慢一拍真的只会害了自己？

我有一个真实经历。当时要跨过一个泥坑，只能用跳的。朋友反应极快地跨了过去，着落后就大喊：“妈的这里有水！！”说时迟那时快，我也“扑通”一声的着落在同一个地点，水点顿时四溅。

朋友又好气又好笑：“笨蛋，都说有水了你还在同一个地方跳过来？！”
我心感委屈：“你喊的时候，我已经跳起来了啊！”
“谁叫你反应那么快？”
“什么啊....”

如果当时，我慢一拍后再跳过来，或许我就能在没有水的地方，安全着落。
如果当时，我慢一拍后再跳过来，或许就不会弄脏了我自己。
如果当时，我慢一拍后再跳过来，或许我就不会被调侃了...

就在这时，我再一次发觉慢一拍的可贵性。或许慢一拍会令人为之气结，也会让人深感厌恶，甚至嫌弃你并置之不理，但这并不表示慢一拍并没有它存在的权力。

在正确的时候慢一拍，在适当的时候慢一拍，往往会释放出可爱的正能量，更能让你避凶趋吉也说不定。人生短促，但这并不代表你必须以匆匆的脚步，来走完你的人生。

Why so serious? Just stand, and stare! :D

参与，同化，然后消失。

曾几何时，我对所有事情都如此执著。

别人称之为，要求太高。

我不以为然；

但如今，我却一把它捧在手里。

我曾经，对什么事情都希望可以做得最好；

无论什么事情，就算很麻烦，或很困难，我都告诉我自己，

“咬咬牙就过去了”，

然后逼使自己去做得最好。

到底好不好，我不知道；

我只隐隐约约感觉到，

我似乎失去了这一股推动力。

好事，不？

或许是，但也或许不是。

如今，对什么事情，我不再如此执著。

当然希望它可以变得更好，或最好，

但再也不会如此锲而不舍。

“能看就好”，近来一直浮现在我心中的一句话。

为什么？我不知道。

是失望的后遗症吗？我不知道。

“尽一切力去做好，但最终却无法如你想象中的呈现出来。你已经很伤心了，但别人却又再在你伤口上撒盐——拼命批评你在那一件事的过错。”

我惊愕地看进你的眼睛，却迎来你那坚定不移的目光。

清澈的眼睛，彻底嵌入了我的心坎。

“我说对了吧？”

呵呵，对了吗？

原来到坚持的最后，我需要的竟是一份更加坚韧的坚强。