When I first started to create a blogger account, I set down the target that, "um, I must write whatever I want to, must record whatever that are worth to record" and stuffs like that blablabla. But after a period of "freshness", well... my laziness is apparent. I did not blog frequently *almost none kay* , and did not decorate my blog either, only once when my friend shwu mei was soooo nice for helping me to design an awesome blog layout :) but after that I was dumb enough for not being able to handle my new layout efficiently (like cant find settings button etc) then I changed back to this normal but still-okay-lah template. I did not even updated posts about my trip to japan wtf! Laziness: 100 %. Wth :/
So since I have the mood to blog now *must appreciate k!* I should write something that only myself understands. HAHAHA
You said move on, where should I go?
I do not wish to be depressed forever, but still, I could not erase it off from my mind permanently. When I look at crying scenes, think of sad memories, the first thing popped out will surely be THIS.
And you said, stop crying.
Of course I know. But how? I cant say that I did not mind after all, because in fact, I DO MIND IT VERY MUCHHHH. How could I possibly forget the feeling, the feeling that struck me real hard, made me wobble, helpless, no might to fight back. I am lucky I could skip school the next day, or else I would be crying non stop in the public, shamelessly, indifferently, thinking everything is just none of my business.
I cant move on.
I mean, in this case.
Time is really the best medicine. The first seconds after the event is really hard and tough for me, for I could not stop crying, even I rubbed away my tears diligently as much as I could but it still could not stop rolling down my cheeks. I dont know if my eyes became swollen, but all I remembered is my heart was soo pain, crucially pain, the pain that made me breathless, stumbled, and could not get up. How I wish I just fainted then everything would be just NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
But a few weeks after that, I felt better. But with a scar, staying there forever.
Devastated, disappointed, FEAR.
I love it very very much, I really do. But the more I love, the more i get hurt, but the more too, I could not get out from it that easily.
走火入魔，I suppose.
How I hope it is all over. But when I reminiscence all over again, the pain it still there, it never fades, and I still cry.
And all I can do is just stand and stare.
